Sunday, March 8, 2009

Mouse Traps Man

We live on the outskirts of town, not far from the mountains in Colorado. We've seen deer, fox, elk, etc in the neighborhood and in our own backyard. Once, I even saw a bear cub. Of course, we're somewhat urban as well, so we also have our share of squirrels. Moreover, there are lots and lots of bunnies in our neighborhood and as a result there are also reports occasionally of mountain lions.

However, I've never heard of any of these critters ever attacking people. Perhaps they might attack the occasional dog or cat. And, I certainly wouldn't have my toddler playing outside after dark upon reports of a cougar sighting.

Now however, there has been one report of dangerous animals: mice. Mice, a general nuisance and sometimes a public health hazard, are not known to take down humans. Sure, I've had my finger nibbled on in the middle of the night--a most disturbing phenomenon. But hardly life threatening. Today however, I went to check the traps distributed throughout our house as we've been seeing/hearing mice again for a few days. (They are driven indoors during the winter.) At last, we've killed one with the classic claptrap, spring-loaded mousetrap. I finish my cup of coffee and prepare to haul the critter to the trash. I grab an empty plastic grocery sack (classic re-use) and pick up the mouse, trap and all and head for the dumpster in the garage...

and it starts moving...

I nearly have a heart attack. Anyone who knows me, knows I'm prone to being easily startled. Seriously, I thought I was going to die from the fright. I could see it now, in the Rodent Reporter:
Mouse Traps Man

In local news, a mouse named Lazarus gave his all for the cause today. He, a longtime resident in Loveland, CO, trapped and killed a man today. He feigned his own death by deliberately catching himself in a mousetrap. However, he did so in such a way that he was not mortally wounded. Then, he waited for the unsuspecting homeowner to return home. He lay very, very still, in classic dead mouse fashion--akin to an opossum. As the homeowner proceeded to dispose of this "dead" mouse, Lazarus begin wriggling and moving... triggering a fatal heart attack in the startled homeowner.

Sadly, Lazarus did not survive the incident. The homeowner crushed Lazarus as he fell to the floor. And from this, the second "death" of Lazarus, he would not arise.

Lazarus is survived by an unknown number of kin. Funeral arrangements are being made by Waste Management of Northern Colorado. There will be no viewing. In lieu of flowers, please send cheese to your favorite charity in Lazurus' name.